“Trying to Settle on Shaky Ground”
Over the years I have had conversations with men and women who have shared their relationship experiences. There have been good and bad experiences. The ones that had bad experiences where the relationship ended up with break-up or divorce shared the same thing. The one common denominator that was prevalent in all situations was that they settled even though there were signs of shakiness in the relationship. I am not a relationship guru or expert. I have had my share of ups and downs in relationships and marriage. The one thing I can attest to is that many of us are so fearful of being alone and single that we ignore signs that the relationship is shaky.
We have all read or heard the scripture that Paul writes in 2nd Corinthians, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” We tend to only apply this to marrying someone who is not a believer, but Paul’s writing is much more broad than this. He is saying that we should caution ourselves by being influenced by unbelievers if we are believers. However, this does make sense for couples as well.
If you have been married for a long period of time, then this post is not for you. God bless you and you can comment to reinforce what I am saying. But there are many people who have struggled or are struggling now with relationships and situations that are unfruitful and you see the signs and you know that this is not the best God has for you but you are afraid of change or you are afraid of waiting on God to bless you in that area of your life.
If you are married and you are struggling because you settled, I am not advocating divorce. Paul clearly speaks in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 that if you married an unbeliever or you converted during marriage then do not put them away (divorce) but let your sanctification be an example to them to encourage them to accept Christ. Keep praying and keep trusting in God to fix the situation.
If you are on the verge of marriage or you are in a relationship and you see signs that you are on shaky ground then be in prayer that God will turn the situation in your favor or be strong to not enter into marriage not knowing if the person will ever be what you need them to be in your life. We must take the time to know a person before we jump into a lifelong commitment and union with the covering of God.
I encourage people all the time to stop expecting that if you marry a person that they will immediately change for the better or change to be what you need them to be. Most people will show you who they are before that happens. Take the time to determine if this person is who God wants for me.
Sometimes we want to see what we want so bad that we are looking at the situation with foggy lenses. If we wipe off the glasses and look intentionally at the situation, we might see what we need to see to make the best decision for our life.
God does not like drama in relationships. He gives us clear instructions on how we are to treat one another in love as Christ has demonstrated that type of love in our lives.
Don’t settle. God wants the best for you, and He wants you to live life as He has designed for you.
Michael O. Oyedokun II