“When Messed Up People do Messed Up Stuff”

Those who have been a part of my ministry have heard me say, “In order for me not to be disappointed or offended, I don’t have expectations on people to do the right thing.”  This has been my mantra for quite some time because I have learned that I often give people too much credit for doing what they may or may not be able to do.  I also know that I have not always met other expectations of me either.  Think about it, when you are offended or disappointed it is because you are caught off guard by something someone said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do.  When people do not meet our expectations of them in whatever aspect of our life they are in, it causes us to get our feelings hurt.

So many people deal with relationship issues and drama because they expect the other person to act accordingly to how they would act.  This word EXPECT in the transitive verb function is defined as such:  to consider probable or certain; to consider reasonable, due, or necessary; to consider bound in duty or obligated.

So, if I expect someone to do something, I am considering that the expectation of you is to be certain, reasonable and to be bound in duty or obligated.  That is a lot of weight and pressure for someone to carry.  Yes, I do believe that the majority of relationships we have with others should carry some responsibility to the other person, but I am also realistic in that we put more trust in people than we do in God.

Here is where we really have an issue…wait for it…here it comes!  We have an expectation that if I do for you, then you should do for me!  Whoa…that right there.  Yes, if I have demonstrated some type of help, love, compassion or acts of kindness towards you then I have an expectation that it should be reciprocated.  There is a term that is known as “bartering.”  The definition is: exchange (goods or services) for other goods or services without using money.  So, in essence we barter with people all the time with our love, service and acts of kindness.  If I do for you…then I expect the same in return.  If I go out my way for you then at some point, I expect you to do the same for me.

I have heard people say, “If I do something for someone or give someone something, I don’t expect it back!”  I hear you.  Stay sanctified if you want to.  99.8 % (this is a guess not validated by data) of people will only do so much for others, if nothing is done in return.  When we do for others in excess, we want to feel appreciated by receiving something in return.  Especially in marriages or relationships, we will love you and do for you as long as you are attempting to do the same for us.  Some people in marriages and relationships will walk away if their needs (selfishly) are not met by the person they are with.

I don’t know if this blog even helped anybody or not.  As I was typing I was thinking about Romans 12:1 that says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”  Paul encouraged the readers that we should give to God because of what He has given to us, and that is our reasonable gift back to Him.

To sum this up…remember that only God is perfect and can deliver on His word.  Our relationships with others must be approached knowing that people are imperfect and may or may not fulfill your perception of what they should or shouldn’t do. 

Don’t get in your feelings when messed up people do some messed up stuff!  That is our nature as sinners.

Michael O. Oyedokun II